Finding Yourself Through Change in MidLife

Have you ever felt like you’re stuck in a rut, not even realizing it until something unexpected happens? It’s like we get caught up in the daily grind, work, family, and new business endeavors, and before we know it, we’re feeling drained and unfulfilled. It’s like we’re drowning in a sea of responsibilities, and we can’t even breathe. Finding yourself through change is essential to grow and learn. Figure out what makes you tick. Figure out what makes you smile and go for it!

And suddenly, you can’t even remember what you like to do for fun, what brings you happiness and joy. Where do you even start to find yourself again.

So, what did I do?

I talked to other people, and weirdly enough, a lot of people had the same problems.  They were so busy being mom, wife, daughter, and worker, that they forgot what brought them joy.  Even asking them to take more time for joy, seemed like it was just another task.

I finally looked at the happiest people I know. The people who radiate joy, seem like they have it all together. I wanted to know what they do differently.  So, I asked. Almost each person had the same answer, they chose to make themselves their top priority.  They decided to “selfishly” put themselves first, which in turn made them a better mom, wife, daughter, and person.

What they Told Me

They each handled putting themselves first differently, but it boiled down to very similar ideas/steps:

1. Change is hard. Change in midlife, when you have been doing things your way for a long time, is harder. But remembering what you love and what makes you happy was step 1. Remember what you loved as a kid, when you were most happy and viola, you’ve found what changes you need to make to be happy again.
2. Priorities matter. They listed their priorities for their future and didn’t hold back.  They let themselves truly believe that whatever they wanted was possible. They also followed up periodically (some quarterly, some yearly) and took a day to continuously update their plan and priorities as life changed.
3. What does life look like now. They took a close look at their current lives, what was shaping their future, and what was blocking their ideal future. They made a list of things they could change, things they had to accept, and then focused on the areas they could actually impact change.
4. Pretend you aren’t you. They jotted down what they’d do if they didn’t have a family, didn’t have to work, and had no obligations at all. They used this list to figure out what they could add to their lives, what they could cut back on. This helped them all appreciate the people and things they already had. Gratitude for what you already have is essential.
5. They made a list of things they could do to bring them joy, to cheer themselves up when down and the things they haven’t done but always wanted to do.  They then decided to implement these into their lives. Immediately.

What I Took Away From This

My first thought after talking to these people is to think, “wow, I’m overwhelmed just hearing all of this, and you want me to implement it? I think we’re just different people.”  But I quickly realized this type of thought is what was holding me back. Instead of looking at their insights and thinking how can I do this the “Karla Way”, I immediately thought of why it would be too hard. Like I said before, change is hard. Not only do you have to commit, you have to keep doing it.

What Can You Do Today

My first step was to pick 3 things I could do this week, 3 things I could do this month and 3 things I could do this year. I made sure they would make me happier and closer to the person I want to be. I can dedicate the time for a few small tweaks to my life and not feel overwhelmed by too much change.

Takeaways

After talking with the people I admire, I took the following away, to implement into my life:

• Taking care of my health – physical and mental. Putting this first is not selfish. If you aren’t healthy, you can’t be there for yourself or others.  You will spend more effort in every aspect of your life because you feel poorly.
• Finding a way to incorporate things I used to love when I was younger into my life now. Sometimes we grow up thinking we can’t do the things we love because they are childish, take too much time or we completely forgot about our passions.  But at our core, we do still have the same loves of childhood we just need to find ways to meld them into our current life to make it better.
• Continually learning – either practicing my passions, learning new ideas or hobbies, or growing my skillsets to get me where I want to be.  Learning is essential to growth and finding more things to love.  As we age, we tend to lose our sense of wonder and awe! Wouldn’t it be amazing to have that again, you can, by trying new things to find what excites you!
• Allowing myself to have time to just be. Some people read, some play instruments and some spend time in nature. Everyone needs something that you can use to decompress. Take time to not be busy and don’t limit yourselves from the things you love.

Give yourself the gift of wonder and passion and a little self-care.  Open yourself to opportunities, say yes to more things you normally wouldn’t try, remember what brought you joy in your past and allow yourself to do the things that bring you happiness.  

It’s not selfish it’s self-care.